Hi all! I am sorry it has been so long since my last post. To be honest it has been an emotional roller coaster of a summer celebrating high school & college graduations, trying to spend time with family & friends, setting limits with entitled & demanding children & trying to send kids off to college out of state & country.
As I have shared before I have been a stepparent for the last 11 years supporting my husband in raising his kids. This includes lots of ups & downs over the years. Trying to support him & his children learning to navigate living in 2 very different homes with different rules & expectations & with 2 parents that have many differing opinions of how to raise children. I am a big believer in being honest & living in a home with trust, respect & no secrets. I am also a believe in telling our kids how much they are loved & of being affectionate. I also believe in the importance of consistent rules & expectations including setting limits. So to say I understand co-parenting is a bit of an understatement.
Also I have had the privilege to work with biological, step, foster, adopted & surrogate parents in my career as a therapist. I have seen the struggle parents, whatever title you choose to use, have trying to love, support, educate, set limits, rules & boundaries, while being consistent, & at times being criticized & judge. My point is parents come in all shapes & sizes with various titles. These are parents who are choosing to love & care for our children. I have other friends who hate the term "step" parent & prefer "bonus" parent. It is a good point because that "bonus" parent, whether step, foster, adopted or surrogate is choosing to love your children. How amazing is that!! My graduate school roommate was lucky to have 2 wonderful parents. She pointed out how lucky I was to have an amazing mom & also pointed out that kids are lucky if they have 1 good parent. Another good point, somewhat sad but true.
The most hurtful thing you could tell a "bonus" parent is that they are not a parent. Honestly I have personally been told that by adults who work with children with special needs and even one of the children I helped raise for the last 11 years. People say hurtful things out of ignorance and anger. So yes it hurts.
I don't want to end on a negative note but instead want to appreciate all of the parents out there in whatever shape, size or title you have. I appreciate that you love your children & try to do what is best for them!!